Hard Times.

We will work so hard trudging uphill to greener pastures, full of smiles and optimism, just to wake up one day, in blissful ignorance, to realize we have sleepwalked all the way back to the dark caverns governed by our doubts and fears.

I personally never quite have control of my fear. I will tell myself all day long that whatever happens will happen and I will weather the storm no matter what. But BOY, when that storm starts brewing, I am the queen of panic.

I have illuminated this aspect of myself quite a bit since I started reading Tarot. I will not touch my deck for days in fear of pulling The Tower. (you know, the one that has people falling from a burning tower into sharp rocks?) I am SO afraid of confronting something terrible that I will avoid it in literally every way possible. But I am becoming much more aware of this aspect of myself. I am choosing to make friends with it and understand it. You must make friends with your shadows to fully appreciate your light. (I am a newbie shadow worker but I recommend it to literally everybody)

So back to my first statement. It is always quite alarming to me (and honestly VERY irritating) when I have put tons of time and effort into shadow working, self improvement, being more brave, having less doubts, being confident….you know…all of the things….to one day have all of my progress come crumbling down. The fears are back, the insecurities show, solitude becomes my best friend. I may feel like all of my hard work on self improvement has been for nothing.

But what I have learned through SO many aspects of my life (yoga, meditation, tarot, and my current love, aerial performance) is that every day is so different. Something I said in aerial class tonight after flopping a move that I had nailed down last week was “it’s so crazy how the fear just….comes back”

Something that you had 100% figured out one week may send you tumbling to the floor in confusion the next. One day you may look like a yoga goddess and have your monkey brain mastered, while the next day you will trip out of tree pose while thinking about some tv show.

It can all be quite infuriating. But you know what makes it all better?

It’s a pretty crazy concept but…..

Just be okay with where you are at.

Just be okay.

Those are words that I have been trying to live by for a while now and they have gotten me out of some pretty treacherous emotions. The more okay you are with where you are at, the closer you will be to where you want to go. Give yourself a hug. Take the time to rest. Go easy on yourself, you deserve it.

Be nice to you.

I am now looking back on these paragraphs noticing how monkey brained this whole post is….but it is where I am at currently. Tomorrow I may have more eloquent words to say, but today I am here. And here is just fine.

Love and Light to all of you beautiful folks.